Sunday, October 28, 2007

Who's going nuclear on the antichrist?

Is there anyone left in the Democratic Party with cajones other than Hillary Clinton? Brother Beck rightly calls her the antichrist. Look, here's the deal. Unless a democratic presidential contender other than one highly resembling a munchkin (that's you Kucinich) takes the antichrist by the horns, she will be the democratic nominee for president. Link. Somebody has to man up and do it quickly because there ain't a snowball's chance in hell Tutti Frutti Rudy or Viagra Fred can slay the two-headed Clinton monster on its march to the White House. Conspiracy Theory Central sees only two men who, jointly, can defeat the beast. The only hope for us all is an Obama / Edwards good cop / bad cop coordinated assault. Edwards can't win. Can't raise enough treasure. Already endlessly milked the fact that his wife has cancer. He's a friggin lawyer for christ's sake. Surely he knows how to slime an opponent. Quickly sir knight. Grab your sword and smote the dragon. Iowa is nay upon us. Hussein Obama, the manchurian candidate, must stay above the fray effecting a King Aurthur to your Lancelot. There's lots of dirt to dredge--failed healthcare plans, votes for the war, votes for the patriot act, vote authorizing action against Iran, money raised from dirty sources, the lesbian rumblings ... hey, this is thermal nuclear war. Slim away sir knight knowing that you serve a higher power--the Republican Party. We are powerless against Clinton & Clinton but Hussein Osama is vulnerable prey. Somebody over there in the Democratic Party grow some balls and take care of this problem for us!

But one dragon slayer does exist on the right. A former Austrian corporal like Hitler. An actor and governor of California like Reagan. Yes, someone with the stomach for the job. But, as he's not a natural born United States citizen, the Constitution cock blocks us. Dick Cheney has done yeoman work tearing that quaint anachronism to shreds yet still it haunts our ambitions. If the antichrist wins in 2008, Supreme Leader Cheney is just going to have to again send Bush to an Air Force base in Nebraska while suspending the Constitution until the War on Terror (aka Crusade IV) ends or hell freezes over (whichever comes first).

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