Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Sarah Palin 2.0

It pains us to write this post. Please forgive us Sarah, our dearest, but a new conservative angel has descended upon the Republican party. Surely God sent her to us. We speak of Carrie Prejean--younger, hotter, smarter, polished, born again and up to the challenge of those snarky New York morning talk show hosts. Check out her performance on the Today Show with Meredith Vieira. Before that old hag Meredith could launch her planned attack, Carrie preempts her with the victim card, brilliant! Carrie has been "Palinized" for her conservative views. It's not about the sex tapes, it's about liberal wingnut Obermann attacking a conservative Christian woman. Here is another money quote, "It was me by myself. There was no one else with me. I was not having sex." Link. Clintonesque. We love it. She was masturbating in the tape by herself. Ergo, it's not "sex". How does a Matt Lauer cross-examine a statement like that? He can't. Anybody know where we can buy a copy of this non-sex tape?

Back to Sarah. When the McCain campaign brought the Wassila hillbillies to the lower 48, it took months of scrubbing to get them ready for prime time. New clothing, a speech coach, a debate coach, baby daddy's mom alleged possession of OxyContin with intent to distribute, et certera. Carrie Prejean already has the fake boobs and wardrobe necessary for the job. Better still, she shines on camera while tenaciously sticking to the script supplied by her handlers. This girl possesses an unbelievable capacity for saying one thing (Christian morality) while having done another (racy photo shoots and masturbation tape) all with zero hint of embarrassment. You can't teach mendacity. Somebody find a conservative House district for this girl to run in. We are beyond tired of seeing Michele Bachmann on Fox. Bring us Representative Carrie Prejean! Our country needs you Carrie.

(Political Satire.)