Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Don't Trust A Man With Hair, Especially If He is a Politician

Sometimes Conspiracy Theory Central is prescient. On October 24, 2009, our post said, We Need Fleshy White Dudes Running Our Country . And who ends up winning the special election in Massachusetts to replace Ted Kennedy? A thin guy with hair. Even worse, he's tan. Some of our colleagues down in the bunker were all joyful that a Republican won but the issue of Limbaughness transcends party lines. Fleshy, hairless, white males are God's chosen people to rule the universe. Rush stands as the paradigm of 21st century genetic superiority.

On this day when two great Americans sit in the hospital, Dick Cheney and Bob Dole, we find out what kind of man our follicly gifted junior senator from Massachusetts really is. This jack ass voted yesterday with the Democrats to lift the filibuster of their jobs bill. A few months in office and he's already stabbed us in the back then twisted the knife. Memo to senator weasel: WE IN THE MINORITY WANT THE COUNTRY TO SUFFER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE SO THEY WILL VOTE THE DEMOCRATS OUT OF POWER IN NOVEMBER. What a schmuck. The rookie doesn't even know politics 101. You fuck up the country to the best of your ability then obstruct all measures the majority throws up attempting to cure the problem; then campaign in the next election on the horrible performance of the majority while in office professing your superior ability to fix the mess (which, of course, we were largely responsible for creating). What doesn't senator hair gel get about our master plan? We shall renew our lease on the bunker for another year.

Update: Senator Jim Bunning has gotten the memo. Obstructs extension of unemployment and COBRA benefits due to expire for many unemployed workers then responds "tough shit" when told he's hurting people. Link.