Monday, October 1, 2007

Saddam's Anticipatory WMD Fraud

Fred is a Conspiracy Theory Central kinda guy. Cool actor. Old, balding dude with a semi-hot wife. But we always found Fred, how do you say this? BLAND! Listening to a Fred Thompson campaign speech is like watching spit dry on a summer sidewalk. But I think Fred is on to something. He says Saddam really did have WMD even though we invaded his suck-ass country failing to come up with jack after four long years of searching. Nadda, zippo, zero WMD. In steps Fred. He has devised daydreamed a way around the facts. "'We can't forget the fact that although at a particular point in time we never found any WMD down there, he clearly had had WMD. He clearly had had the beginnings of a nuclear program,' the former Tennessee senator told an audience of about 60 at a Newton cafe." Des Moines Register.

We get where you are coming from Fred. It's like when the early Christians had to deal with the fact that pagans for centuries had myths of a god-man who performed miracles, suffered, died, and overcame death to rise again. See Dionysus and Osiris, et alia. How did the good church fathers navigate around this embarrassing fact? Genius. They claimed the godless pagans plagiarized the central mystery of Christianity through anticipation. You see, the pagans somehow conspired with the devil to learn of the life and death of Jesus before he actually lived and died. They then plagiarized Jesus before he ever existed. Brilliant!

Fred has stumbled upon the grand Saddam conspiracy of anticipatory WMD fraud. You see, Saddam had WMDs, nuclear, biological, the works. Yeah, he still had loads of the stuff after we bombed the snot out of his country during Gulf War I (circa 1991). Saddam knew the US was invading his country. Fred's theory: rather than light up our troops with his dangerous WMD hoard as we massed at his boarder, old Saddam destroyed all his WMDs, including any verifiable trace of their existence, moments before we invaded. Very clever. Saddam gets the last laugh by denying our government capture of the raison d'etre of its entire invasion. Fred Thompson is well on his way to Conspiracy Theorist of the Month. Keep up the solid work Fred.

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