Hardees is on an intensive mission to assist every human with a bony ass. Yes, it is a thing of beauty, the Hardees "Monster Thickburger" — two 1/3-pound slabs of Angus beef, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun. Story. Note: for the dyslexic, that's angus, not anus. The nutritional news: 1,420-calories with 970 of those from fat. We need to rush a case of these over to Nicole Richie. But what about breakfast? The good folks at Hardees have you covered there as well my peeps. They've got the new 920-calorie Breakfast Burrito or, for those yearning to go large after plopping out of bed, The Big Country Breakfast Platter with breaded pork chops logging in with 1220 calories.
But what about the animals?!?! That's the first question jumping into our mind as we hunch over a plate of yummy comfort food loaded with fat. We wonder, did the animal from whence this dead flesh came suffer before its slaughter? Did our burger suffer before it was a burger? How about the 1220 calorie breaded pork chop? Did the pork chop get to free range or was it confined to a gestation crate prior to donating its flesh to our breakfast? Really, we lay awake nights anguishing over these questions.
So it was with great relief that we read the joint press release from CKE (owner of Hardees) and PETA. Hardees will henceforth purchase 15 percent of its pork from suppliers that do not use gestation crates, metal enclosures that confine sows, and 2 percent of its eggs from hens who are not confined to wire cages. "We commend CKE for taking these important steps to improve the conditions of animals raised and killed for its restaurants," PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich said in a statement. "Consumers oppose the cruel treatment of animals." Link. Thanks PETA. We'll sleep contentedly tonight, belly full of Thick Burger, visions of breaded pork chops dancing round our dreamy head.