Saturday, October 27, 2007

Dumbledore, Queer Eye For Kids

Dumbledore! There's one in every wood pile. Conspiracy Theory Central is just now recovering from the Teletubbies. Notice the connection? Both British children's entertainment. Look what happened to Star Trek. You start with Captain James T. Kirk, a man's man of action and the knowing wink at the pretty young ensign. You know Kirk jumped Uhura somewhere in those long travels across the universe. In the remake, "Star Trek: The Next Generation", Kirk morphs into a namby pamby Brit with a French name: Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Too professional, a consensus seeker. How come he never jumped on Counselor Deanna Troi? Did you see the rack popping out of her skin tight star fleet uni? Of course, a man can't miss it. But Picard's oblivious. Dumbledore! Conspiracy Theory Central has often wondered about Tony Blair. Those long stays down at the ranch in Crawford. The pretty soft tone of his voice. The culture of his language. He sounds like Jean-Luc Picard. Dumbledore!

When Conspiracy Theory Central turned 16, our father gave us a bottle of Old Spice. We splashed it on and remarked, "Dad, it smells like horse piss." Father instructed us that this is what a man should smell like. Beware of the female bringing her man perfume disguised with that French name, cologne. Next thing she takes you for a manicure and pedicure. Obvious Dubmledore! Dad neglected to warn us about the Brits. We remember him looking askance at Benny Hill, the cross-dressing comic, but he didn't clue us in to the wider Brit queer eye conspiracy. Now we know. They're all Dumbledore!

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