Thursday, May 29, 2008

Bush Presidency Fault of The Liberal Media

Conspiracy Theory Central's head is still spinning after hearing of the Scott McClellan memoir. McClellan essentially says the White House press office, of which he was a major player, has been a propaganda machine during the Bush years. That a culture of deception exists there. Scotty, I'm just shocked you would say such an outrageous thing.

Having not slept, ate, drank, or shaved for 24 hours (we do admit to having used the toilette) in utter despair over the hammer blow from our boy Scotty, we have found light at the end of this dark tunnel. In between all the Bush bashing, McClellan says "the 'liberal media' didn't live up to its reputation", the liberal media failed to do its job. Listen up all you leftist pansies out there. Our boy Scotty has a message for you: THE LIBERAL MEDIA CREATED GEORGE BUSH! That's right. It's not our fault the Bush II presidency has careened out of control. It happened because the liberal media failed to challenge the man. It's like driving a sports car drunk without a seat belt. Everyone knows crashes are going to happen. If the driver gets injured, it's the seat belt's fault for not protecting him. Never mind that he failed to snap the seat belt into place before driving off. If the seat belt were properly designed, it would snap itself into place. The sole reason for the existence of the liberal media is to act as a moderating force to save a brilliant leader from himself.

The more I contemplate the words of Scott McClellan, the more his central message clears before my eyes--the liberal media is the root of all evil in the universe. It's like Newton's third law of politics. Thank you Scott for speaking out and reinforcing what we already knew. Next time, please put your central point in the title of the book.

Monday, May 19, 2008

The Huckster Is Back!

And I was wondering where the heck the Huck had disappeared to. Apparently fishing. Well everyone's favorite formerly fat governor is back in all his glory. Huck first makes a "joke" about Obama ducking from an assassin. This is exactly equivalent to our dear redneck forefathers of the 50s and 60s joking to black men in the south to look out for that noose. It's no joke, it's reality. So Tim Russert tries to call out Huck on his humor but the Huck is too sly. He slips the Russert punch by analogizing his humor to that of Sen. McCain's "bomb, bomb, bomb Iran" song which, you might guess, Huck loved. Link. Has there been a politician on the national stage less PC than Mike Huckabee in the last 30 years? Not even close.

Attention Sen. McCain. You need Minister Governor Huckabee on the ticket! Huck will completely confuse and confound the national press diverting their vitriolic verbal arrows away from your person. He's the blocking back hitting the hole ahead of the ball carrier to open up running room. For the love of God and country, please, oh please, let it be McCain-Huckabee in 2008!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

McCain Excludes Michelle From Blogger Conference

A member of our trinity of truth, Michelle Malkin, has been excluded from a McCain blogger conference call. And he's allowing selected liberal bloggers to participate in the conference but excluded Michelle!?!? I knew in my gut this man McCain was a fake Republican. He only plays along hugging and fawning over our dear Supreme Leader W Bush. Now we have the evidence of his mendacity. Is McCain prejudice against conservatives or just the cross-eyed?

P.S. For the uninitiated, the members of our trinity of truth, justice and the American way are Michele, Ann, and Rush. They are not placed in any order for divine beings, by definition, are co-equal.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Bush is Caesar, the photographic evidence

The names of the dictators change but the faces don't. Recognize these two guys? The one on the left is a tad older than the dude on the right (by about 2000 years give or take) but I'm sure you see the family resemblance.

Hail Caesar  /  Hail Bush

Check out the similarity in the ears, uncanny. How about the nose, forehead, hair line, chin? Think I'm goshing you about about the guy on the left? Check it out for yourself--recently discovered bust of Julius Caesar.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Adm. John 'Boomer' Stufflebeem--Papa Bush's Boy

Vice Adm. John Stufflebeem in bygone days was a punter for the Naval Academy football team earning him the nickname "boomer". Apparently the Admiral possessed another supreme skill: lying. "As a commander, Stufflebeem was a military aide to President George H.W. Bush, and after rising to flag rank, was the public face of the Afghanistan war as he briefed reporters from the podium at the Pentagon while serving as deputy director of global operations on the Joint Staff." Link. "Stufflebeem, then a 37-year-old commander, pretended to be a widower, telling the woman that his wife had died of breast cancer and that he was raising his two children on his own, according to the Inspector General’s report, obtained by Navy Times through the Freedom of Information Act. In fact, Stufflebeem was still living with his wife at the time. The report says Stufflebeem had sex with the State Department staffer in sleeping quarters in the White House basement and when the two traveled abroad with the White House travel team." Link.

When the affair came to the attention of Stufflebeem's superiors at the White House, he was relieved of his duties and reassigned back to the Navy. What was President H. W. Bush's response when apprised of the allegations against Stufflebeem? He wrote to the admiral saying, "You are missed already [at the White House]. * * * "You have a fine career ahead, and quite obviously, I want to help that career along for you have served here with distinction." Bush wrote a second letter to his Navy superiors saying Stufflebeem should be promoted as soon as possible. Link. Papa Bush was known to have had his own mistress at the time so he couldn't very well come down hard on his military aide for dipping the wick. Underneath all the medals and fancy suites, sailors are sailors. Papa Bush is an old sailor himself. Here is the complete inspector general's report on Stufflebeem for the prurient.

Why fire this admiral now?
But here's the strange part that caught Conspiracy Theory Central's attention. Lying , cheating admirals don't really rate the bat of eye (although Boomer's tall tale about the wife dead of cancer ranks as a supreme whopper). This affair happened 18 years ago. It was recently dredged up when an "anonymous letter" was sent to the Navy. The letter didn't come from the former mistress. So what's the motive for torpedoing the admiral after all these years? Admiral Stufflebeem is publicly known to be a critic of the Navy's plans to bomb Iran. Link. Another high ranking critic of Bush's plan to bomb Iran was Admiral Fallon who has also been forced into early retirement. Link. Pretty cool how the people who really run Washington kept promoting Stufflebeem while stashing this nice bit of blackmail material. Then when the Admiral went off script refusing to go along with the Iran program, they cut his legs off. Surely the other admirals who might also disagree with the Iran objective have gotten the message: toe the line or get disemboweled.

Lord knows it's imperative the United States bomb Iran back into the stone age. We're running out of things to bomb in Iraq. The next country over is Iran. What's the use of having all these nice new shinny bombers over there in the Middle East if we don't use them? I mean the boys need targets. Let's get on the hump Bush Junior and bomb us some Iran before those Godless democrats capture the White House.