Tuesday, April 8, 2008

McCain the Humorist

Gosh, maybe Conspiracy Theory Central has been all wrong about John McCain. In yesterday's post we said he looked like dried snot and lacked pizazz. But who knew Sen. McCain was such a comedian? Schecter's new book The Real McCain contains the following interesting nugget. Joke told by McCain at 1988 Republican fundraiser: "Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly?" he asked. "Because Janet Reno is her father." Link. We literally fell out of our chair reading that one. If this running for president thing doesn't pan out, we strongly urge John McCain to ditch the senate and embark on the standup comedy circuit billing himself as the "angry old pol". Seriously, I think the man has talent.

Monday, April 7, 2008

I look like snot but check out my wife and daughter

The 2008 Presidential Campaign is already no fun and we have seven more months of it to suffer through. Conspiracy Theory Central's heroes Viagra Fred and the Huckster are down for the count. We're supposed to rally behind John "100 year war" McCain. It does stiffen our shorts to know McCain is down with perpetual war against jihadists ... but he's the worst public speaker since Bob Dole. At least our dear W Bush has you on the edge of your seat wondering which words of the English language he shall butcher next. McCain has no pizazz. He looks like dried snot, which explains why he dumped his first wife for a younger cougar model then popped out a frightfully young daughter to trot after him on the campaign trail gushing glowing blog posts about her glorious father.

And maybe the younger, youngest chick window dressing masking advanced age and precarious health is what the McCain campaign is all about. Take recent news this month from Iraq. The Iraqi government attempted a military offensive against radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr in Basra and got their butt spanked. Whole units of the Iraqi army defected to al-Sadr during the fighting. Prime Minister al-Maliki was forced to call a cease fire to stave off complete defeat. How did McCain see it? "It was al-Sadr that declared the ceasefire, not Maliki," McCain said. John put on the rose colored glasses seeing a Maliki victory. Link. Booya John! If you say it enough on the campaign trail, I'm sure the American public will believe. Certainly our boy General Petraeus will tell Congress this week that the dustup in Basra was a good thing for the Iraqi government. Black is white. Old decrepit man hidden by young blonde chicks. Reality is in the mind of the beholder. All we need to do is manipulate manage the perceptions of the American people and all will be right in the country. We got our eyes on the blonde chicks John. Keep up the good work sir.