The CIA Sponsored Swim Lesson

The blogoleft is atwitter over Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey’s refusal to definitely classify waterboarding as torture. Adding fuel to the fire, Sen. John McCain, himself previously tortured as a prisoner in Vietnam 40 years ago, denounced waterboarding: "Anyone who knows what waterboarding is could not be unsure. It is a horrible torture technique used by Pol Pot." Link.

But what is "waterboarding"? According to one report, the prisoner is strapped down, head wrapped in cellophane, and water repeatedly poured into the prisoner's face. "Depending on the exact setup, the water may or may not actually get into the person's mouth and nose; but the physical experience of being underneath a wave of water seems to be secondary to the psychological experience. The person's mind believes he is drowning, and his gag reflex kicks in as if he were choking on all that water falling on his face." Link.

Reading the apopletic quotes from the left, clearly this is a job for Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin, the two super heroines of truth, justice and the American way. But Ann Coulter is currently locked in a cat fight with the Anti-Defamation League over her comment to the effect that Jews should be perfected by Christ. Checking over at Michelle's site, we find she's busy bashing Hillary. Get on the bat phone Commissioner Gordon, we have a crisis and all our superheros are engaged. But wait, a new champion has emerged to bring forth the sacred smoke. The heretofore unknown Rachel Marsden appeared on CNN dismissing worries over waterboarding, saying “One man’s torture is another man’s CIA’s sponsored swim lesson.” Link. See video below.

Conspiracy Theory Central is buying what Ms. Marsden is selling. But why limit this valuable prisoner control technique to CIA prisons? Conspiracy Theory Central can think of a few delinquent kids in our neighborhood who could use a "CIA sponsored swim lesson." And why not the taser too? The taser was a hit on the University of Florida campus. Let's go nationwide with that program. For the kids who don't get the message with a dose of Mr. Taser, then we got waterboading for you. We see where Supreme Leader Cheney is going with this and Conspiracy Theory Central gives it a big booyah!

Update. Senator Kit the Magnificent has weighed in on waterboarding: "It’s like swimming, freestyle, backstroke." Link. Now that's thinking outside the box Kit. Good show.

(Satire)