So it's Xmas time which means Conspiracy Theory Central must stare down the beast which is purchasing wife her gift. The three regular readers of this blog know that Conspiracy Theory Central is on a holy crusade against fakiness. Well wife dropped her own jihad on our head during the annual Christmas gift negotiation. Here's how it went down:
CTC: Hey baby, whatta you want from Santa?
Wife: From Santa? Not to be drunk when he hands out gifts to our extended family. From you? A David Yurman Petite Albion Round Pave Ring.
CTC (stuttering): A David what?
Wife: A designer ring. Retail around 800 big ones.
CTC (unable to comprehend such a stupendous number): Eight ... Eight ... Eight ... .
Wife: And don't pull any of your cheapiness on me.
CTC: Cheapi what?
Wife: You have your fixation on fakiness. Well mine is cheapiness. For instance, your normal cheapiness self would try to go on the internet and buy me a fake David Yurman from some shady web site.
CTC: Wife, the criticism wounds me to the core.
Wife: Truth hurts, don't it?
CTC: But wife, are we not a Christian couple?
Wife: Praise the Lord.
CTC: Upright, tracing the footprints of Jesus Christ?
Wife: You're my cross so 'yeah'.
CTC: Well then, did not Jesus say 'It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to reach the kingdom of God'?
Wife: Of course husband. I am here to assist you in reaching the kingdom of God. You'll die penniless.
CTC: Good to know you got my back.