Thursday, December 6, 2007

The Hidden Dangers of Fakiness

There is a danger lurking among us. It hides behind nerdy glasses and a geeked up patrician veneer. Yes, we are referring to Stephen Colbert, the inventor of "truthiness".

Don't be fooled by his cute eccentricities. The clumsy fall on the set breaking his wrist. The bear phobia. Notice how Colbert manipulates our national symbols--the flag, the American eagle--as stage props. His attacks on the leftists while lauding "poppa bear" O'Reilly sooth our ears. But this man represents the gravest hidden danger to the youth of our country since the Communist conspiracy to fluoridate our drinking water during the Cold War (uncovered by Brig. Gen. Jack D. Ripper).

What is "truthiness"? It's truth that emanates from the gut without resort to reason. Yes, we are speaking of faith. Without faith, man is lost. Faith is our only lifeline to God for the reason of our limited human brains is unable to grasp the fullness of God. But Colbert, in exalting truthiness a/k/a faith, mocks we the true believers of conservative America. How do we know this? Colbert's obscene roast of our dear President W Bush gave us a clue. Yes, we laughed at the patrician munchkin but his sarcasm bites. Absorbing it saps the purity of our precious bodily fluids.

Ladies and gentlemen, Colbert peddles in fakiness. Fakiness is pretend truthiness meant as satirical criticism of its object. It's so seductive in its rhetoric that we are hypnotized into ignorance of the insult before us. How else does one explain this poisonous viper being placed on the podium in a place of honor with our Dear Leader and handed a microphone then used to insult the President of the United States of America? It's an outrage. Upon our authority as a nationally certified conspiracy theory blogger, we do hereby declare a jihad against fakiness. Colbert, beware! We see the evil truth behind your veil of geekdome.

3 comments:

anothermoron said...

Vague and to the point.

(The point being the tip of Mt. Ambiguity (which has a nice ski resort, by the way))

Anonymous said...

this is a joke, right?

jjray said...

>>Vague and to the point.<<

Vague to the weak minded but painfully obvious to those clued in to the code words of his fakiness. We're on to the devious Colbert.

>>this is a joke, right?<<

Sir, we @ Conspiracy Theory Central are insulted by your suggestion that we and Colbert are in the same business. To shame!