Connecting the Dots In ColoradoThe Secular Conspiracy Against Evangelicals

Tony Perkins, president of the Washington lobbying organization Family Research Council, recently emailed followers: "An Assault on Faith. It is hard not to draw a line between the hostility that is being fomented in our culture from some in the secular media toward Christians and evangelicals in particular and the acts of violence that took place in Colorado yesterday. But I will say no more for now other than that our friends at New Life Church and YWAM are in our thoughts and prayers." Link. Praise the Lord, Mr. Perkins! We at Conspiracy Theory Central have been decrying for decades since last week the vast secular conspiracy engaged in warfare against us. Five Christians gunned down for their faith is but a symptom.

Let's not mince words. A holy war, a crusade is underway. The holy war does involve the war in the east against the Muslim infidels but that is just the tip of the struggle. As our dear President W Bush has so eloquently stated, "if you are not with us, you're against us." Everybody not lined up behind the banner of Jesus Christ is our enemy. It's as simple as that. And Mr. Perkins has placed his finger at the heart of the enemy, the secular media. By media, I take him to mean not just televised news but, also, all transmitted entertainment bombarding our society every waking moment of every day. That's right, John Steward, Brittney Spears, Oprah, Barry Bonds, P Diddy, Nelly, Stephen Colbert (the dangerous purveyor of fakiness), Angelina Jolie, Al Gore, Mickey Mouse, the Teletubbies.

They are agents of a vast secular (re: anti-Jesus) cabal engaged in an assault against our Christian nation. Some may say that Matthew Murray, the shooter at Ted Haggard's church and the youth ministry in Colorado, was himself the child of evangelical Christian parents raised in the faith. Link. But look more closely for uncovering high level conspiracy requires scratching the surface. It has been reported that Murray was kicked out of the Christian youth ministry for "health" reasons in 2002. An even closer review finds that Murray performed a dark Marilyn Manson rock song at the center before being expelled. Link Do you see the light? Poor Matthew Murray, son of good Christians, was overwhelmed by the voices of evil. If ever there was a poster boy for the secular, godless media - entertainment monster, it would have to be Marilyn Manson. I might not have discerned the finger prints of the beast in this case without astute direction from Tony Perkins. Booyah to the Family Research Council.
(Satire)