O'Reilly Calls Out Evil

Papa Bear O'Reilly: "If you read these far-left websites, you’re a devil worshipper. You are. * * * Satan is running the DailyKos. Yes, he is!” Link. We have a confession to make to our spiritual guru, Papa Bear O'Reilly: yes, we at Conspiracy Theory Central have viewed liberal web sites. Please forgive us for our sins. But we acted for educational purposes only. To understand and avoid evil, one must study it. The liberal blogosphere is so titillating, so intoxicating. And those liberal tramps so damn seductive! Yes, we were sucked into their orbit by verbal crack cocaine, political porn!

Blessed be Papa Bear O'Reilly for setting us back on the straight path of Fox News with a warm embrace from Ann (his high priest or priestess, as the case may be). Those godless, leftist pigs must be devils or why else would they appear to make so much rational sense? Does not the Book of Revelation warn of a smooth talking, charismatic anti-christ? Those versed in gematria can instantly see that "DailyKos" translates using Sumerian numerology into 666. Yes, the number of the devil's prince. How could we have been blind to it for so long? But Papa Bear, steady in faith, peered with spiritual sight through the liberal haze to see the devil at work. Booyah Bill!

Bill is a humble man of faith. We know that he shall grant us his forgiveness for our transgressions because he himself has fallen. The seductiveness of the liberal left can infiltrate the most upright of men. A former employee, who we can only surmise was an agent of the sinful left, briefly led Bill astray with pregnant fantasies of soapy "loofa mits" in the shower, "hard nipples" and "spectacular boobs". Link. Thus, you know our suffering Papa Bear. You know what it means to give in to liberal seduction only to later see the light like Saint Paul on the road to Damascus. God praise your wisdom and spiritual sight into the darkness that is the liberal blogosphere with singular attention to the Satanic prince behind the DailyKos.

The Bill Prayer
Our Bill, who art on Fox
Hallowed be thy name
May thy ratings come
Thy will be done, on cable television as it is in Washington.
Give us this day our daily thoughts
And forgive us our trespasses, as you have forgiven them against you
And lead us not into loofa temptation
But deliver us from leftist evil
For thine is the Murdoch kingdom, and the advertising dollars, and the ratings, for ever and ever. Amen.