Saturday, August 18, 2007

Man Sues Bonds For Selling Steriods To Nuns

Jonathan Lee Riches a/k/a "Secured Party" d/b/a "The White Suge Knight" has filed an action in the United States District Court for the Northern District of Indiana, case #3:07CV0375, against Barry Bonds, Bud Selig and "Hank Aaron's Bat" alleging, inter alia, that--
(1) Barry Bonds and Bud Selig are in a secret conspiracy together to boost television ratings. Mr. Selig has been secretly giving Barry bonds steroids for over 9 years under the supervision of Sammy Sosa.
(2) Barry Bonds uses Hank Aaron's corked bat during ballgames.
(3) Barry bonds caused plaintiff to get federally indicted.
(4) Barry Bonds bench presssed plaintiff against his will to show off in front of ballpark buddies. "I also witnessed Mr. Bonds selling steriods to nuns."
(5) Barry Bonds used Hank Aaron's bat to crack the liberty bell.
(6) Barry Bonds joined "FARC" (a Columbian narco-terrorism organization) on December 25, 2005 during baseball winter training (what a way to spend Xmas). FARC provides Bonds with HGH tablets.
(7) Mr. Bonds gave mustard gass to Saddam Hussein as part of the oil for food scandal.

Plaintiff seeks a TRO against broadcast of all MLB games and "$42,000,000 million dollars in Swiss Francs, certified money order to the B.O.P. (Bureau of Prisons) lockbox in Des Moines, Iowa". Mr. Riches is a federal prisoner in South Carolina. Here is a Link to complaint.

I was certain Mr. Riches had lost touch with reality until I read the part about seeking payment in Swiss Francs. The man obviously follows international currency markets with cognizance that the US dollar is gonna sink like a stone. The dude knows what he's doing. Check this site out for a listing of other federal lawsuits filed by Mr. Riches. The one against Michael Vick looks promising.

2 comments:

Billy said...

Most ballplayers today are taking homeopathic growth hormone oral spray because it's safe, undetectable, and legal for over the counter sales. As time goes on it seems it might be considered as benign a performance enhancer as coffee, aspirin, red bull, chewing tobacco, and bubble gum.

jjray said...

Billy, I take you sell this stuff. Does this oral spray HGH stuff work? It's sold over the counter as a supplement?