Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Black Tuesday In Relationship News

As fall approaches with winter looming on the horizon, tis the season for good relationships to go bad. First came news that Sen. Barack Obama was breaking off his torrid affair with Obama Girl. Despite ten kazillion downloands of the Obama Girl video on youtube, word just reached the Obama family through the online detective work of his six year old daughter. This is why a father does not let his daughter surf the internet. Naturally, Sen. Obama is no fan of the video.

In other news, Simon Cowell announced he will be leaving American Idol when his current contract expires. Link . Said Simon, "it's emotionally draining to be on set sandwiched between two of the people I love most on this earth." This comment apparently refers to the long-rumored bi-sexual love triangle of Ryan-Simon-Paula. If true, this may help to explain Paula's perpetual medication. Then again, maybe not.

Finally comes word that Wednesday Tuesday, one of Hef's live-in bunny concubines, has bolted the Playboy Mansion. When Conspiracy Theory Central caught up with Ms. Tuesday at the Mexican border, she told us, "I've got a vial of Hef's sperm. I'm on to Brazil to clone an army of his offspring. Then we'll see what kind of child support bounty that brings." For his part, the 81-year-old Mr. Heffner is thinking of the big picture, "I'll be dead when this all plays out so who gives a fuck." After word of the opening for a bunny at the mansion hit the wire services, Playboy, Inc. was deluged with in excess of 32,000 applications from prospective bunnies. Hordes of balloon-chested blonds are camped out front of the mansion as we go to press.

(Satire Post).

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