Help General Pace Find His Gonads!

Gen. Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has suddenly and mysteriously lost his gonads. Prior reports had the General miraculously growing a heavy set of stones for use in challenging the President's surge in Iraq. Then, poof! No balls. All those with knowledge of the General's disappeared balls should call the Conspiracy Theory Central special hotline for this crisis: 1-800-GET-BALLS. Alarmingly, the Pace case is not an isolated incident. According to scientist, sufficient empirical evidence of what they are now calling "generale no testis'itis" exists to warn the public that the disease is nearing crisis levels in the Pentagon. Yes, it's a pandemic among those in uniform with stars on their epaulets. The more stars, the smaller the testicles.