Grim news met the world's penises today, a full frontal assault. First, a Russian woman did Lorena Bobbit proud. She set fire to her x-husband's penis as he sat imbibing vodka while watching television. "It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch." Note to self: don't watch television naked and drunk in view of pissed off Russian x-wife.
Even more compeling, "A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry." Link. Doctors at the hospital said they would amputate if anyone could point out the tiny member.