I gotta give these red necks props for originality but they need some work on the execution end of things. According to police, two red necks planned a beer heist thusly at 5:30 a.m. for Fish's Quick Stop in DeSoto, MO:Red Neck #1: Ok, ok. Here's the deal. I get naked.
Red Neck #2: Right.
RN #1: So I'm naked with a mask on my head swinging my stuff at the store clerk.
RN #2: Brilliant! Ok, what am I doing? Am I naked too?
RN #1: No goofus. You're stealing the beer while I got the woman distracted with my schlong. You just grab a case and we're out the door. She won't know what hit her.
RN #2: What kind of beer?
RN #1: Bud stupid. We're Bud men.
RN #2: Right, right. ... Let's do it!
Unfortunately for Luke and Bo Duke, a sharp eyed patron got the license plate number on the General Lee as our two heroes made their getaway. Above is a picture of Red Neck #1 streaking from the Quick Shop @ 5:31 a.m., towel over head. They were arrested a few days later. If you have the stomach for it, here is a link to the video on Youtube.
Back in the day, restroom facilities were segregated by race. Perhaps we need to go back to the future. First we have Republican Florida State Rep. Bob Allen who, in the restroom of a public park, solicited a male undercover police officer to receive oral sex from Rep. Allen. In his defense, Allen contends he was intimidated by the large black police officer and, due to his fear, made the offer of oral sex. 
It was revealed recently that Mother Teresa, beatified near saint of the Catholic Church, "for the last nearly half-century of her life she felt no presence of God whatsoever * * * neither in her heart or in the Eucharist." Said Mother Teresa in a letter to her confessor, "for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see, - Listen and do not hear - the tongue moves [in prayer] but does not speak ... I want you to pray for me." 
Even more compeling, "A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry." 
As fall approaches with winter looming on the horizon, tis the season for good relationships to go bad. First came news that Sen. Barack Obama was breaking off his torrid affair with Obama Girl. Despite ten kazillion downloands of the 
In other news, Simon Cowell announced he will be leaving American Idol when his current contract expires. 
Finally comes word that Wednesday Tuesday, one of Hef's live-in bunny concubines, has bolted the Playboy Mansion. When Conspiracy Theory Central caught up with Ms. Tuesday at the Mexican border, she told us, "I've got a vial of Hef's sperm. I'm on to Brazil to clone an army of his offspring. Then we'll see what kind of child support bounty that brings." For his part, the 81-year-old Mr. Heffner is thinking of the big picture, "I'll be dead when this all plays out so who gives a fuck." After word of the opening for a bunny at the mansion hit the wire services, Playboy, Inc. was deluged with in excess of 32,000 applications from prospective bunnies. Hordes of balloon-chested blonds are camped out front of the mansion as we go to press.
"More than 200,000 pounds of codeine, morphine, oxycodone, hydrocodone and meperidine were purchased at retail stores during the most recent year [in the USA]. That total is enough to give more than 300 milligrams of painkillers to every person in the country. Oxycodone, the chemical used in OxyContin, is responsible for most of the increase. Oxycodone use jumped nearly six-fold between 1997 and 2005. The drug gained notoriety as "hillbilly heroin," often bought and sold illegally in Appalachia. But its highest rates of sale now occur in places such as suburban St. Louis, Columbus, Ohio, and Fort Lauderdale, Fla." 
Having rescued her adopted son