Taser Up President Musharraf

Secretary "Rice was in Istanbul, Turkey, attending a conference on Iraq. One adviser traveling with her saw a silver lining in the rapid turn of events [referring to martial law in Pakistan]. 'Thank heavens for small favors,' the official said. Compared to Pakistan, 'Iraq looks pretty good.'" Indianapolis Star. Well said, anonymous State Department official! Lord knows press coverage is one of the biggest obstacles to achieving justice in our world today. Anything that distracts the press from our primary objectives is surely helpful. But forgive Conspiracy Theory Central if we are confused about one small problem: does not Pakistan possess nuclear weapons? And does not the imposition of martial law indicate that Musharraf is losing his grip on the country's throat? And if Musharraf falls, will not extremists gain control of Pakistan and it nuclear weapons? Please forgive Conspiracy Theory Central's alarmist "chicken little" squawk. Surely officials in the Bush State Department know best. I mean, look at the string of diplomatic triumphs the United States has enjoyed from 2003 forward.

Conspiracy Theory Central has one bit of advice for President Musharraf: bring in Mr. Taser! We've seen the Pakistani lawyers rioting on CNN. Holy Moses, if ever a group of humans was each in need of a taser in the ass, it's these rioting lawyers. Conspiracy Theory Central applauds the expanded use of Mr. Taser in the United States under President Bush's watch. A few weeks back, we saw Mr. Taser in action at the University of Florida on a student. Today we got word the Chicago police tased an 82-year-old grandmother, booyah! Chicago Sun Times. Take note Musharraf. Taser up!
(Satire)