Kyla Ebbert (left) and Setara Qassim (right) were both detained from boarding recent Southwest flights. See link to story. According to the airline, both women exhibited unrestrained breasts. Said Southwest spokesperson Sara Prudence, "Big tits, when not properly stowed, cause problems on our flights. Especially, the young perky variety. First, there is boob envy from the other female passengers. Then a riot breaks out during open boarding as the men thrash each other about attempting to seat themselves next to the hooters. And just imagine the pandemonium if the flight hits turbulence and those loose bazoombas jostle all over the cabin."
We at Conspiracy Theory Central are deeply troubled by the actions of Southwest Airlines who, the best we can determine, have morphed into the taliban of the skies. Isn't this America? Doesn't a man in this country have a constitutionally protected right to sneak furtive glances at a nice rack displayed on an attractive young thing sitting across the isle? If Kyla Ebbert and Setara Qassim's tits are forcefully covered and restrained, then the terrorists have won. We are a defeated country.
(Satire ... kinda).