Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Spitzer Shoots His Wad

"Agent 69, this is Home Base, come in Agent 69!"
"69 here Home Base."
"We have an assignment for you 69. Client 9."
"Client 9?"
"Yes, our old friend Client 9. Be advised Client 9 may ask you to do things you might not think are safe. Can you handle him 69?"
"I have a way of dealing with that. I’d be like, Listen, dude, you really want the sex? ...You know what I mean.”
"Yes, I know. If the game is on, it will occur in DC and you will need to leave NYC today by 4:45pm. Is that possible?"
"Yes. Location?"
[Phone buzzes signifying call waiting.]
"Let me get that 69, it's Client 9.
[Switches lines.]
"Home Base here."
"This is Client 9. Are we set for DC tomorrow?"
"Yes. Kristen."
"Fine. Remind me which one is Kristen."
"American, very pretty brunette, 5 feet 5 inches, and 105 pounds."
"Very good."
"Client 9, can you bring additional funds as a downpayment on the next appointment? Your last package arrived late."
"Late, but you have the money, no?"
"We request an advance payment Client 9."
"I'll do my best."
"Confirm location."
"Mayflower Hotel, Room 871."
"Confirm you shall cover, in addition to the standard fee, train tickets, cab fare from the hotel and back, minibar, room service, and hotel."
"Kristen's train arrives in DC @ 9. She will proceed directly to the hotel for the appointment."
[Clicks back to Agent 69.]
"The game is on in DC 69. Mayflower Hotel. Room 871."
"Copy, Mayflower, Room 871."
"Very good 69. We'll be in touch."
Democratic Governor of New York, former prosecutor, husband, father of three ... and a liberal jackal who hounded the supporters of our cause on Wall Street to the ends of the earth and back. Oh how sweet it is for a self-righteous lefty to get caught up in a tawdry affair making the Larry Craig think look milk toast in comparison. The Governor apparently prefers petite brunettes and is willing to shell out upwards of $4000 for a single session. Conspiracy Theory Central loved all the cloak and dagger stuff in the government affidavit. And we really want to know what you get for $4000? How much of an upgrade can a $4000 hoe be over the $500 variety? Inquiring minds want to know. Do sit on Oprah's couch and tell us Elliot. And this from Dr. Laura: "when the woman doesn't focus on the man and his sexual needs" shit like this happens! She's a doctor on TV like Dr. Phil so it must be true. Women are always guilty at some level when men fuck up. Adam and Eve, need I say more?

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