Herman Cain for Antichrist 2013

Conspiracy Theory Central hoped Rand Paul would run for president in 2012 but we suppose he could not do so without stepping on the old man's toes. That would be like Apollo running against Zeus for god of the universe. And Sarah Palin, our shinning angel, also decided not to run in 2012 ... although she regularly appears on television pretending to run. Sarah has babies to feed back home in Alaska and being a fake candidate pays well so one cannot really blame her for taking the gig.

Which brings us to Herman Cain. Whereas Sarah Palin is a real politician only pretending to run for president, Herman is a fake politician actually running for president. Herman is the ying to Sarah's yang. What a beautiful presidential ticket it would be (Herman on top, as God decreed). Sarah likes to flirt with the camera. Herman likes flirty women. You can see the synergies, no? Conspiracy Theory Central was initially confused by the Cain campaign but, with the fourth woman stepping forward to allege sexual harassment, we now see the political genius that is Herman Cain. Obama used the slogan, "audacity of hope". Herman should use, "audacity of audacity". Here is a guy with zero experience as an elected official nor does it appear from his biography that he has held a full-time job since 1999. Herman says, fuck it, I'm running for President of the United States! That's pure balls. And the way he handles the media is genius in motion. When asked about the sexual harassment allegations, Mr. Cain first denied knowledge of any such claims. When later pressed with evidence of the existence of the harassment claims, Herman replied simply, "Let Herman be Herman." Brilliant!

But Conspiracy Theory Central believes we are on to something even bigger. Why does a man with no political credentials and multiple sexual harassment allegations in his past decide to run for President of the United States (well, besides the fact that the billionaire Hunt brothers asked him too)? We were stumped by this one at first until reflecting on Herman's 999 tax plan that he apparently borrowed from the SimCity video game. If you turn 999 upside down it reads 666! Then out of darkness came light. Herman is using his quixotic 2012 presidential campaign as a vast Trojan horse for his stealth campaign for the Antichrist election in 2013! Shear genius Herman. Here are a couple of thoughts on that score. Make sure you attend the August straw pole at the annual Wican convention and the summer solstice gathering at Carhenge in Nebraska is a must. Best of luck to Herman in 2013.

Note: We hot linked to a picture of Herman Cain (see upper right corner of article) but the folks at Cain Central did us a huge favor and changed our intended photo of Mr. Cain with the universal image of the Anti-Christ. How apropos! Thanks Herman.

Satire.

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