Conspiracy Theory Central Is in Heat For Rand Paul

Is this dude friggin brilliant or what? Although his name is Randall he calls himself Rand to evoke the saintly Ayn Rand. Wikipedia states of Ayn Rand, she "emphasized individual rights (including property rights) and laissez-faire capitalism, enforced by a constitutionally limited government." That's another way of saying roll back government, unchain the big corporations and allow them to mash the lilliputians to their heart's content. Such thoughts bring a smile to the face of Conspiracy Theory Central. The only problem with our girl Rand is that she was a Russian but we quibble.

Back to Rand Paul. The man has cojones to go with the brains. Our poor friends at British Petroleum (BP) have been taking a pounding over their little mishap with the oil rig explosion leading to an oil volcano in the Gulf of Mexico. The world is an inherently messy place and ecologic disasters are bound to happen in the pursuit of money. All good capitalists accept this and move on. But those mad dogs in the media are crucifying the good people at BP just because many millions of gallons of crude oil have been released into the Gulf killing fish and fouling beaches. It will be all good in a decade or so. What's the problem? Anyway the Republicans in Congress checked their phalluses at the Capitol door by refusing to come to the BP's defense. Not Paul the younger who said bashing BP was "un-American". You got that, bashing foreign corporations who create ecologic disasters in our country is un-American! Just brilliant. The upshot is that corporations are in fact a form of property that are sacrosanct under the theology of Rand Paul. And the worship of corporations is a founding tenant of America, therefore, all corporations must be worshiped, not just American ones. Bravo candidate Paul!

But one small problem bothers us about Rand, his silly hair helmet. Memo to Rand, loose the toupee. All the best Americans like Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh proudly bare their scalps. Get with the program Rand. Hair helmets are so last century.

Update: Rand Paul and Sarah Palin (we like the sound of that) are friending each other through the media. This could quickly escalate to writing on each other's facebook wall. Stay tuned. Link. 5-23-2010.

Political Satire.