Donohue to Cannibalize Liberals

Do you see those ravenous teeth? They're the teeth of a killer. One that eats pot smoking, unemployed liberals for breakfast. Those teeth belong to Thomas J. Donohue, President and CEO of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. Conspiracy Theory Central had never heard of Mr. Donohue until this morning but boy, oh boy, we like what we hear. Alarmed at the increasingly populist tone of the 2008 political campaign, Mr. Donohue told the Los Angeles Times, "We plan to build a grass-roots business organization so strong that when it bites you in the butt, you bleed." Major booyah!

"Populist", it's another name for the worst kind of liberal, the one that wants to give away all our money to poor people. Some liberals desire merely to be left alone puffing away on marijuana cigarettes in the woods. These are the harmless liberals who only damage themselves. The devious and destructive branch of the liberal decease seeks to reorder society with what they call "fairness" and "equality" but, in reality, it's communism. Will anyone work if we are all required to share? That worked out well for the Soviet Union, no? Quoteth Gordon Geeko, "Greed is good. Greed is right. Greed works." Greed is what made America great. It's apple pie.

We're comforted in the knowledge that our boy Thomas J. Donohue is on the job. He plans to fund his 2008 presidential campaign war chest with north of $60 million. Get some Tom!
(Satire)