tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62574222266914541392011-12-01T17:01:36.301-06:00Conspiracy theories &amp; current events <b>laced with SATIRE</b>.<br>(Right of Rush Squished Between Ann and Michelle ... Ummm, Yummie)<br><i><b>A Crusader Against Fakiness!</b></i>jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.comBlogger751100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-27536169434060512232011-11-07T11:45:00.012-06:002011-11-09T16:11:46.213-06:00

Conspiracy Theory Central hoped Rand Paul would run for president in 2012 but we suppose he could not do so without stepping on the old man's toes. That would be like Apollo running against Zeus for god of the universe. And Sarah Palin, our shinning angel, also decided not to run in 2012 ... although she regularly appears on television pretending to run. Sarah has babies to feed back home in

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-1624430526176636342010-05-21T18:21:00.020-05:002010-06-23T12:44:17.361-05:00

Is this dude friggin brilliant or what? Although his name is Randall he calls himself Rand to evoke the saintly Ayn Rand. Wikipedia states of Ayn Rand, she "emphasized individual rights (including property rights) and laissez-faire capitalism, enforced by a constitutionally limited government." That's another way of saying roll back government, unchain the big corporations and allow them to

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-14539868516833725002010-02-23T05:46:00.007-06:002010-05-23T23:29:40.909-05:00

Sometimes Conspiracy Theory Central is prescient. On October 24, 2009, our post said, We Need Fleshy White Dudes Running Our Country . And who ends up winning the special election in Massachusetts to replace Ted Kennedy? A thin guy with hair. Even worse, he's tan. Some of our colleagues down in the bunker were all joyful that a Republican won but the issue of Limbaughness transcends party

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-18436464408007545322010-01-24T07:21:00.008-06:002010-05-23T23:32:29.572-05:00

Conspiracy Theory Central is just pleased as punch that the United States Supreme Court has finally emancipated corporations from tyranny by declaring them to be persons entitled to the full protection of the Constitution. Can we have an amen church? Suffrage for women came to the United States in 1920. Blacks received the Civil Rights Act of 1964. But the poor downtrodden corporations of

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-65834528407125843082010-01-07T10:40:00.011-06:002010-01-07T12:37:37.822-06:00

Ann Coulter is quickly asserting herself as the premier counter-terrorism expert in the world. In a recent interview with Bill O'Reilly, Ann adroitly diagnosed the weakness of the new United States airport body scanner program in light of the recent Christmas diaper bomber.Bill: "If you have a body scan and you have a bomb in your underwear, they can see the bomb through the body scan."Ann: "No

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-76886577444312526872009-11-11T10:22:00.019-06:002010-05-22T13:05:31.203-05:00

It pains us to write this post. Please forgive us Sarah, our dearest, but a new conservative angel has descended upon the Republican party. Surely God sent her to us. We speak of Carrie Prejean--younger, hotter, smarter, polished, born again and up to the challenge of those snarky New York morning talk show hosts. Check out her performance on the Today Show with Meredith Vieira. Before that

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-21262840209267296872009-10-24T12:07:00.012-05:002009-11-11T10:22:45.819-06:00

Fleshy white dudes (especially bald ones) made this country. George Washington, check. Ben Franklin, double wide check. President Howard Taft, hello! At this moment our country has a skinny black president with hair on his head. This is an abomination to western civilization. Our media is chock full of corpulent, pale males (see Limbaugh, Beck, and Dobbs) but the political leadership in

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-32310779044996810232009-08-21T11:54:00.014-05:002009-10-24T13:22:25.017-05:00

Fox sent Glenn Beck on a forced vacation this week so I graciously offered him use of the spare bedroom in my Anti-Obama bunker. The whole thing is a complete farce. How can a man be punished for saying that Obama is racist against white people? Oh, yet another injustice against the persecuted white male. 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is called "the White House" for a reason, white people are

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-44155190936714326932009-04-15T17:52:00.019-05:002009-04-16T22:49:30.128-05:00

United States Obamastan! We've felt it at the Conspiracy Theory Central HQ since inauguration day but suspicion has given way to confirmed fact. Statement by U.S. Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano on the Threat of Right-Wing Extremism. Using the degrading smear, "right-wing extremist's", Obama's internal security forces have declared a jihad on lovers of guns, Jesus

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-83707074691604291842009-03-03T11:44:00.015-06:002009-04-02T12:30:45.011-05:00

Thank the Almighty that his party has finally come to its senses and realized that Rush is our Moses! Sarah "Joan of Arc" Palin has diapers to change and mooses to hunt. Piyush Jindal appears to be a playdo man formed out of a few of Rush's discarded turds. Ron Paul must be an atheist because he is against war. We all know war is a tool of the Almighty to bring forth justice in the world.Oh ye

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-55347449299686278092008-12-12T11:46:00.010-06:002009-04-15T19:41:08.304-05:00

Conspiracy Theory Central has been on continuous sedatives after the beatdown John McCain received from Barack Hussein Obama. Oh, and the Republican infighting after the loss has only worsened our depression. Joe The Plumber takes shots at McCain ... and McCain made this guy! Everybody takes shots at our shinning angel, Sarah Palin (be still my beating heart), over some cloths. OK, lots of

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-79045659530990215102008-09-30T15:02:00.005-05:002008-09-30T15:17:10.608-05:00

Like many of you, Conspiracy Theory Central was horrified watching Katie Couric's interview of Sarah Palin. My god, that bull dike Katie actually had the temerity to ask Gov. Palin about her foreign policy credentials. What in the world does that have to do with Sarah Palin's fitness to stand next to McCain looking good and wooing evangelical voters??? It's irrelevant to her job!!!Anyway, my

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-46436851901609395632008-09-16T11:26:00.005-05:002008-09-16T12:07:59.225-05:00

John McCain has finally seen the light to the great relief of Conspiracy Theory Central. Ronald Reagan had to be helped to the bathroom but could the old boy ever stand there looking presidential reading from a teleprompter! The Gipper's brain was so badly riddled with Alzheimer he could barely remember his own name yet he goes down in our book as the greatest US president since George

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-10939891591356736272008-05-29T07:51:00.010-05:002008-05-29T08:30:13.714-05:00

Conspiracy Theory Central's head is still spinning after hearing of the Scott McClellan memoir. McClellan essentially says the White House press office, of which he was a major player, has been a propaganda machine during the Bush years. That a culture of deception exists there. Scotty, I'm just shocked you would say such an outrageous thing.Having not slept, ate, drank, or shaved for 24 hours

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-48695924388655729972008-05-19T12:30:00.007-05:002008-05-24T13:40:33.687-05:00

And I was wondering where the heck the Huck had disappeared to. Apparently fishing. Well everyone's favorite formerly fat governor is back in all his glory. Huck first makes a "joke" about Obama ducking from an assassin. This is exactly equivalent to our dear redneck forefathers of the 50s and 60s joking to black men in the south to look out for that noose. It's no joke, it's reality. So

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-44423268689973597132008-05-18T06:54:00.006-05:002008-05-18T07:16:41.666-05:00

A member of our trinity of truth, Michelle Malkin, has been excluded from a McCain blogger conference call. And he's allowing selected liberal bloggers to participate in the conference but excluded Michelle!?!? I knew in my gut this man McCain was a fake Republican. He only plays along hugging and fawning over our dear Supreme Leader W Bush. Now we have the evidence of his mendacity. Is

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-89965971587369958462008-05-14T13:17:00.011-05:002008-05-14T13:48:04.655-05:00

The names of the dictators change but the faces don't. Recognize these two guys? The one on the left is a tad older than the dude on the right (by about 2000 years give or take) but I'm sure you see the family resemblance.Hail Caesar  /  Hail BushCheck out the similarity in the ears, uncanny. How about the nose, forehead, hair line, chin? Think I'm goshing you about about the guy on the left?

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-72059178182301352312008-05-11T08:54:00.010-05:002008-05-11T12:54:13.078-05:00

Vice Adm. John Stufflebeem in bygone days was a punter for the Naval Academy football team earning him the nickname "boomer". Apparently the Admiral possessed another supreme skill: lying. "As a commander, Stufflebeem was a military aide to President George H.W. Bush, and after rising to flag rank, was the public face of the Afghanistan war as he briefed reporters from the podium at the

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-55438119727716220222008-04-08T13:50:00.002-05:002008-04-08T13:59:47.486-05:00

Gosh, maybe Conspiracy Theory Central has been all wrong about John McCain. In yesterday's post we said he looked like dried snot and lacked pizazz. But who knew Sen. McCain was such a comedian? Schecter's new book The Real McCain contains the following interesting nugget. Joke told by McCain at 1988 Republican fundraiser: "Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly?" he asked. "Because Janet

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-42092063431935109322008-04-07T09:16:00.007-05:002008-04-07T10:16:17.519-05:00

The 2008 Presidential Campaign is already no fun and we have seven more months of it to suffer through. Conspiracy Theory Central's heroes Viagra Fred and the Huckster are down for the count. We're supposed to rally behind John "100 year war" McCain. It does stiffen our shorts to know McCain is down with perpetual war against jihadists ... but he's the worst public speaker since Bob Dole. At

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-51101230219938683262008-03-26T09:48:00.012-05:002008-03-26T12:42:02.158-05:00

Rush is a genius. We bow to the omnipotent intellect emanating from his massive nogin. We were stunned to hear the great one beseeching his subjects to cross party lines in the primary and vote for Hillary Clinton. Link. Then the beauty of it hit us in our slow-witted face: Obama was on the verge of locking up the nomination. Voting for Hillary drags the two leftists back into the mosh pit

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-89447791328037907822008-03-11T13:13:00.007-05:002008-03-11T18:26:13.990-05:00

"Agent 69, this is Home Base, come in Agent 69!""69 here Home Base.""We have an assignment for you 69. Client 9.""Client 9?""Yes, our old friend Client 9. Be advised Client 9 may ask you to do things you might not think are safe. Can you handle him 69?""I have a way of dealing with that. I’d be like, Listen, dude, you really want the sex? ...You know what I mean.”"Yes, I know. If the game is

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-72743707496632304202008-02-09T11:45:00.000-06:002008-02-09T12:26:41.391-06:00

You may recall our post from December calling out Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, for his assault on Christmas. We obviously have an eye for the snake in the grass. "In a BBC interview on Thursday, he referred to the use of sharia in some personal or domestic issues ... . Asked if sharia needed to be applied in some cases for community cohesion, Williams said: 'It seems

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-18820384313478997112008-02-01T10:47:00.000-06:002008-02-09T11:42:53.789-06:00

The powers that be within the Republican Party are not amused. Old Man McCain won't die so they've called out the big guns. Ann Coulter's last two blog posts have pounded McCain. She thinks the country would be better off with a President Hillary than a President McCain (and Ann loathes the female species). Our boy Glenn Beck flogs McCain mercilessly on the immigration issue calling him "Juan

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-1538672237144487842008-01-23T16:17:00.000-06:002008-01-25T11:40:23.921-06:00

Conspiracy Theory Central is very afraid. We think Ethan Hunt is coming for us. You see, we're not a Scientologist. Mr. Hunt said, and I quote, "I won't hesitate to put ethics on someone." In translation from Scientologese, Hunt is saying he will make others conform to L. Ron Hubbard's rules of behavior. Link. Conspiracy Theory Central is a world class non-conformist. We fear we are on Mr.

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-58094929480771761262008-01-19T17:37:00.000-06:002008-01-20T15:44:45.328-06:00

My God, look at that hand. Do you see it? This is the hand of an alien. We have the evidence! She's gotta be one of those alien reptile beings walking around wearing the mask of a frumpy middle-aged, white lady. Oohh, I'd hate to see Hillary's inner alien. The mask scares the piss out of me all by it's lonesome. Bill sure knows how to pick 'em. Hillary for a wife and Monica for a mistress

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-3974292832687474912008-01-18T13:58:00.000-06:002008-01-19T12:00:01.392-06:00

I knew it was in you Mike. All this stuff about coddling Mexican immigrants is understandable. You were the governor of Arkansas at the time. Can you say Tyson Foods? Mike can. Who slaughters the chickens if we kick all the illegal immigrants out of Arkansas? The poor little buggers can't very well hack themselves up into thighs, breasts, and legs, can they? A governor has gotta do what

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-68389017253050804922008-01-14T09:50:00.000-06:002008-01-15T09:35:58.545-06:00

Blade says he doesn't have to pay taxes to the United States government. Link. Maybe there is a 'half-vampire' exemption tucked somewhere in the voluminous Internal Revenue Code. But one thing concerns Conspiracy Theory Central (an avid fan of the Blade Trilogy, a cult classic): did you see what happened to them vampires when they tried to lock up Blade? He wasted every last one of the blood

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-72515611973977593722008-01-08T15:30:00.001-06:002008-01-08T18:31:49.409-06:00

Do you see those ravenous teeth? They're the teeth of a killer. One that eats pot smoking, unemployed liberals for breakfast. Those teeth belong to Thomas J. Donohue, President and CEO of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. Conspiracy Theory Central had never heard of Mr. Donohue until this morning but boy, oh boy, we like what we hear. Alarmed at the increasingly populist tone of the 2008

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-91995027028938904612008-01-05T13:05:00.000-06:002008-01-05T14:11:32.155-06:00

X-Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura has a new book coming, Don't Start the Revolution Without Me! According to the reviews, Jesse hints at a run for the White House to take it back for the people. Conspiracy Theory Central is all over the Ventura candidacy like white on rice. Why? Because Jesse is a conspiracy theory nut job like us. Kennedy assassination, 9-11, he's down with all of it. Can

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-78151496014226721732007-12-30T09:04:00.000-06:002008-01-05T17:10:28.392-06:00

Reverend Huck knows you don't bring a knife to a gun fight. The Republican presidential race will get nasty in the trenches so Huck recently hired Ed Rollins, unreconstituted Reagan political thug, as campaign manager. While manager of Christine Todd Whitman's successful bid to be governor of New Jersey, he gloated to reporters about paying "street money to dissuade black clergymen from giving

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-51203535518765097882007-12-27T09:08:00.000-06:002007-12-27T10:45:29.701-06:00

We thought we liked the Viagra man. Now we know it. He just ripped Hillary a new one: "there is no woman on the horizon that ought to be president next year." Link. In an exclusive follow-up quote obtained by Conspiracy Theory Central, Fred said, "Women belong barefoot and pregnant like my wife. Hillary's too ugly to breed so I'm not sure what use she has on this planet." Misogynistic?

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-65312946475874007042007-12-25T09:11:00.000-06:002007-12-25T12:09:37.275-06:00

Dr. Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, blasted elements of the Christian Xmas story as "legend". Link. Per Dr. Williams: no wise men (at least not three), no asses and oxen surrounding baby Jesus, and Jesus wasn't even born in December!How does one go about impeaching an archbishop? Doesn't this guy get it? His job is the perpetuation of myth. Religious doctrine = believe no

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-73214111004494091712007-12-23T10:37:00.000-06:002007-12-23T11:56:44.856-06:00

With the Huckster surging in Iowa, Romney leveled his slime gun on Huck calling him a Clinton style, tax and spend liberal (note: both are natives of Hope, Arkansas). Story. It's the mantra of unimaginative Republican campaigns--when in doubt, call you're opponent a liberal. When really in trouble, call your opponent a Clinton liberal. But listen to the reply from the Huckster: "This nonsense

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-18199570141518685972007-12-12T19:37:00.000-06:002007-12-12T21:43:09.846-06:00

So it's Xmas time which means Conspiracy Theory Central must stare down the beast which is purchasing wife her gift. The three regular readers of this blog know that Conspiracy Theory Central is on a holy crusade against fakiness. Well wife dropped her own jihad on our head during the annual Christmas gift negotiation. Here's how it went down:CTC: Hey baby, whatta you want from Santa?Wife:

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-52178985721307959292007-12-12T14:14:00.000-06:002007-12-27T10:49:05.417-06:00

Poor Viagra Fred. Got in the race late and stumbled out of the gate. Now the Huckster has roared past him into first place in Iowa while Fred stands mired in single digits. But give Fred credit. He's finally catching on to the thought processes of a bona fide Republican presidential candidate in the mold of Reagan or W Bush: i.e., know it from the gut, not the brain. This is the sin qua non

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-84341365435431452212007-12-11T13:02:00.000-06:002007-12-13T21:09:37.525-06:00

Tony Perkins, president of the Washington lobbying organization Family Research Council, recently emailed followers: "An Assault on Faith. It is hard not to draw a line between the hostility that is being fomented in our culture from some in the secular media toward Christians and evangelicals in particular and the acts of violence that took place in Colorado yesterday. But I will say no more for

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-11222761579428218042007-12-09T11:09:00.000-06:002007-12-12T13:59:36.763-06:00

Papa Bear O'Reilly: "If you read these far-left websites, you’re a devil worshipper. You are. * * * Satan is running the DailyKos. Yes, he is!” Link. We have a confession to make to our spiritual guru, Papa Bear O'Reilly: yes, we at Conspiracy Theory Central have viewed liberal web sites. Please forgive us for our sins. But we acted for educational purposes only. To understand and avoid

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-8163566500369546612007-12-06T09:49:00.000-06:002007-12-07T11:51:40.077-06:00

There is a danger lurking among us. It hides behind nerdy glasses and a geeked up patrician veneer. Yes, we are referring to Stephen Colbert, the inventor of "truthiness".Don't be fooled by his cute eccentricities. The clumsy fall on the set breaking his wrist. The bear phobia. Notice how Colbert manipulates our national symbols--the flag, the American eagle--as stage props. His attacks on

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-8829013958092254912007-12-05T09:52:00.001-06:002007-12-12T14:09:32.112-06:00

Conspiracy Theory Central is beginning to warm to the candidacy of Gov. Huckabee, the rock 'n roll minister. The Huckster is for staying in Iraq till hell freezes over and bombing Iran back to before the dawn of time. Booyah Huck! This week, we got to see how he handles contrary opinions. News on the Axis of Evil front: "The US National Intelligence Estimate (NIE) on Iran concluded this week

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-44106096104111667912007-11-29T16:16:00.000-06:002007-12-06T09:49:28.404-06:00

Brother Beck's new book roared to #1 on the NYT best seller list knocking Stephen Colbert's ass out of the top spot. Colbert is a fake conservative and there is nothing Conspiracy Theory Central despises more than fakiness. It's so not funny.His book: An Inconvenient Book: Real Solutions to the World’s Biggest Problems. Here is a quote from the review @ Amazon: "[P]olitical correctness is the

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-78493058844956733612007-11-27T16:32:00.000-06:002007-12-05T11:17:41.248-06:00

Frank Gaffney is a neocon superhero in the mold of our dear Supreme Leader Cheney and Vice Fuhrer Perle. Frank doesn't quite reach as high as the Conspiracy Theory Central pantheon where Ann and Michelle hold court but he's up there. Anywho, Frank blasted the Annapolis Peace Conference in Today's Washington Times aka the Reverend Sun Myung Moon Gazette as a gang bang of mother Israel. How

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-45235209728923724742007-11-22T09:44:00.000-06:002007-11-23T08:33:04.721-06:00

First, happy 44th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, the mother of all conspiracy theory events. Historical reflection over, we move on to the current occupant of the White House--W Bush. The liberal jackals are again yapping at our president's heals. General President Musharraf of Pakistan clings to power. Booya! His self-appointed Pakistani Supreme Court has affirmed his recent

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-30064880951608816872007-11-13T15:42:00.000-06:002007-12-08T08:05:11.467-06:00

Since Samuel Dale Brownback quit the race, Conspiracy Theory Central has been in a funk over who to support for president in 2008. Viagra Fred? The semi hot wife ain't enough to get us on that wagon. Tutti Frutti cross-dressing Giuliani? Hillary (the antichrist) would grind this faux mobster to dust while he endlessly whines about his self-proclaimed heroism on 9-11. Mitt Romney? We are

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-10959363901008881832007-11-06T16:18:00.000-06:002007-11-06T17:02:46.400-06:00

Secretary "Rice was in Istanbul, Turkey, attending a conference on Iraq. One adviser traveling with her saw a silver lining in the rapid turn of events [referring to martial law in Pakistan]. 'Thank heavens for small favors,' the official said. Compared to Pakistan, 'Iraq looks pretty good.'" Indianapolis Star. Well said, anonymous State Department official! Lord knows press coverage is one

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-78277990564583256502007-11-02T11:59:00.000-05:002007-12-12T12:15:43.874-06:00

The blogoleft is atwitter over Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey’s refusal to definitely classify waterboarding as torture. Adding fuel to the fire, Sen. John McCain, himself previously tortured as a prisoner in Vietnam 40 years ago, denounced waterboarding: "Anyone who knows what waterboarding is could not be unsure. It is a horrible torture technique used by Pol Pot." Link.But what is

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-27263544814749936652007-10-28T17:14:00.001-05:002008-02-24T11:08:40.903-06:00

Is there anyone left in the Democratic Party with cajones other than Hillary Clinton? Brother Beck rightly calls her the antichrist. Look, here's the deal. Unless a democratic presidential contender other than one highly resembling a munchkin (that's you Kucinich) takes the antichrist by the horns, she will be the democratic nominee for president. Link. Somebody has to man up and do it

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-40544820669791026512007-10-27T09:19:00.001-05:002008-05-30T07:57:45.177-05:00

Dumbledore! There's one in every wood pile. Conspiracy Theory Central is just now recovering from the Teletubbies. Notice the connection? Both British children's entertainment. Look what happened to Star Trek. You start with Captain James T. Kirk, a man's man of action and the knowing wink at the pretty young ensign. You know Kirk jumped Uhura somewhere in those long travels across the

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-82729318420537107442007-10-24T11:33:00.003-05:002009-10-25T14:26:04.918-05:00

Conspiracy Theory Central is a Glenn Beck fan. We've rejoiced in his pummeling of the usual suspects: Hillary Clinton (the "Antichrist" and "stereotypical bitch"), Al Gore (a Nazi propagandist), and former President Jimmy Carter (a "waste of skin"). Media Matters link 1 and Media Matters link 2. Good stuff. But what sets Glenn apart from the average champion of truth reverberating within the

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-15129650403156833922007-10-23T13:10:00.001-05:002008-09-19T16:07:46.347-05:00

First, a few thoughts on the candidacy of Gov. Michael Huckabee for president of the United States.The Good: Likes to throw around the word "Islamofascism" in speeches. This is one of Conspiracy Theory Central's favorite words. Derived from the term "whopofascist" popularly applied to Italian dictator Gen. Benito Mussolini in the 1930s. The first whopofascist was Julius Caesar. Back to

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-32148719033803332302007-10-22T08:59:00.000-05:002007-10-30T18:16:09.752-05:00

Bill Kristol is a Conspiracy Theory Central kinda guy. Watching a full-loaded B-52 lumber across the dawn sky brings wood to our shorts. And what's the use of the United States Air Force owning all these gleaming bombers unless we get to bomb the snot out of a country every so often? I mean the boys can't stay sharp dropping bombs in Nevada forever. Which brings us to Syria and Iran. Bill

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-42029826258063014282007-10-16T17:03:00.000-05:002007-10-30T18:16:42.176-05:00

Hardees is on an intensive mission to assist every human with a bony ass. Yes, it is a thing of beauty, the Hardees "Monster Thickburger" — two 1/3-pound slabs of Angus beef, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun. Story. Note: for the dyslexic, that's angus, not anus. The nutritional news: 1,420-calories with 970 of those from fat. We need

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-59819629198779843882007-10-12T14:31:00.000-05:002007-11-13T15:48:30.467-06:00

We at Conspiracy Theory Central are warming to the candidacy of Rudy Giuliani. This guy seems to have more skeletons in the closet than a werewolf in London. Thrice married. Boring, where's the tutti frutti? Names Bernard Kerik police commissioner of NYC. Later goes into a consulting business with Kerik and talks George Bush into nominating Kerik to head US Homeland Security. Kerik turns

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-41777421071722420612007-10-09T09:12:00.000-05:002007-10-15T17:29:23.216-05:00

"Rather than have a senator or a congressman respond to President Bush's weekly radio address, [the Democrats] decided to have a child who was helped by the SCHIP program [health care for poor children] speak directly to the public. But the 12-year-old boy (Graeme Frost) whom Democrats chose as their poster child is now at the center of a firestorm in Washington and beyond." Link. According to

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-83814734153238016492007-10-05T09:35:00.000-05:002007-11-23T08:29:07.171-06:00

"Syndicated columnist Ann Coulter: 'If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. * * * It's a personal fantasy of mine. * * * And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women." Story. Great idea ... but don't you publicly represent yourself as a single woman? Would this not constitute

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-54674726336088123162007-10-01T16:48:00.000-05:002007-12-14T16:44:24.130-06:00

Fred is a Conspiracy Theory Central kinda guy. Cool actor. Old, balding dude with a semi-hot wife. But we always found Fred, how do you say this? BLAND! Listening to a Fred Thompson campaign speech is like watching spit dry on a summer sidewalk. But I think Fred is on to something. He says Saddam really did have WMD even though we invaded his suck-ass country failing to come up with jack

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-53769696180131031082007-09-30T16:15:00.002-05:002010-03-05T20:47:16.842-06:00

The preeminent African American Jurist has a new book out: "My Grandfather's Son". In it, he rips the liberal media a new one for its "high-tech lynching" by printing the outlandish allegations of one Anita Hill (an African American lawyer who previously worked for Clarence at Department of Education and the EEOC). We at Conspiracy Theory Central never tire of dredging old dirt. A capsule of

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-52178955621191607852007-09-27T07:59:00.000-05:002007-09-27T08:28:05.007-05:00

Praise God for General Pace. He has given voice to the silent (moral) majority. "Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, caused a stir at a Senate hearing Wednesday when he repeated his view that gay sex is immoral and should not be condoned by the military." Link. The General was brought up on the Bible and he intends to infuse our military with his religious doctrines.

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-59550531097928586452007-09-25T18:18:00.000-05:002007-09-25T19:10:56.659-05:00

Ha, conclusive evidence Bush and Ahmadinejad are on the same covert team! They are both devil worshiping Texas Longhorn fans. More on the sign of Satan. Tip of the cap to the folks at Conspiracy Planet for this one. We at Conspiracy Theory Central should have been on our toes and picked up on the ruse sooner. President Ahmadinejad has been cast as the devil incarnate by the Bush

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-3087206562213409192007-09-22T15:05:00.000-05:002007-09-22T15:24:24.509-05:00

MIT student Star Simpson (yep, that's her real name) was arrested at Logan International Airport for wearing what police described as a fake bomb. Star's sweatshirt had on its back a computer circuit board with flashing lights and wires. She says it was a homemade art project. Link. Apparently Ms. Simpson is a flaky science geek who thinks nothing of wearing a blinking electronic device on

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-64275164972885319432007-09-22T12:32:00.000-05:002007-09-25T10:28:21.649-05:00

In his weekly radio address, President Bush called Democrats "irresponsible" for seeking to expand children's health insurance for low income families. Bush has vowed to veto the bill despite significant bipartisan support. Link. "You see, it's all political," said Bush. "Them Democrats pass the easy stuff, the stuff everybody wants like health care for children. Then I have to be the

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-31712871595093706532007-09-19T10:36:00.000-05:002007-09-20T16:00:59.476-05:00

Time to nip this student back-talk thing in the bud. One guy gets out of line disrespecting a sitting United States Senator and, next thing you know, it's Berkeley circa 1968 all over again ... hippie student protests out the ass, clouds of marijuana smoke wafting through the air, free sex, peace-love and all that. Thank God this isn't going down on Dick Cheney's watch. No sir. We at

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-51923140676305630132007-09-13T06:42:00.000-05:002007-09-25T19:11:52.980-05:00

Kyla Ebbert (left) and Setara Qassim (right) were both detained from boarding recent Southwest flights. See link to story. According to the airline, both women exhibited unrestrained breasts. Said Southwest spokesperson Sara Prudence, "Big tits, when not properly stowed, cause problems on our flights. Especially, the young perky variety. First, there is boob envy from the other female

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-58108173647692775702007-09-04T12:27:00.000-05:002007-09-04T12:49:08.150-05:00

Senator Larry Craig's children Shea Howell and Michael Craig appeared on "Good Morning America" today to say "Our dad ain't gay!" Link This afternoon, the Craig's longtime Venezuelan housekeeper appeared on CNN with Wolf Blitzer also proclaiming Larry Craig's nongayness. Said the housekeeper, "The senator is always grabbing my ass when his wife isn't looking. I know he wants a piece just like

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-43594852761726906022007-09-02T15:22:00.001-05:002007-09-02T16:18:23.137-05:00

Lingerie maker Spitfire of Japan fired the first shot--the man girdle. Japanese men have lapped up the man spanks marketed as "Manks". Link. Said manks wearer Futomaki Suzuki, "They're awesome. I can really channel my inner feminine chi in them and there's great support for the testicles. No more pocket pool to get my balls back where I like 'em."Ever vigilant in the underwear wars, it

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-77601591322464758602007-08-30T13:14:00.000-05:002007-08-30T14:02:07.941-05:00

I gotta give these red necks props for originality but they need some work on the execution end of things. According to police, two red necks planned a beer heist thusly at 5:30 a.m. for Fish's Quick Stop in DeSoto, MO:Red Neck #1: Ok, ok. Here's the deal. I get naked.Red Neck #2: Right.RN #1: So I'm naked with a mask on my head swinging my stuff at the store clerk.RN #2: Brilliant! Ok, what

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-62118310401364068742007-08-28T08:48:00.000-05:002007-08-30T17:22:43.162-05:00

Back in the day, restroom facilities were segregated by race. Perhaps we need to go back to the future. First we have Republican Florida State Rep. Bob Allen who, in the restroom of a public park, solicited a male undercover police officer to receive oral sex from Rep. Allen. In his defense, Allen contends he was intimidated by the large black police officer and, due to his fear, made the

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-59071214793175017502007-08-26T12:13:00.000-05:002007-08-26T12:32:38.544-05:00

Jonathan Lee Riches d/b/a "The White Suge Knight" was running away with the race for Conspiracy Theorist of the month ... until we at Conspiracy Theory Central came across www.chappelletheory.com. According to the anonymous blogger at chappelletheory.com, Oprah, Bill Cosby, Louis Farrakhan, Robert I. Johnson (BET), and Al Sharpton formed a cabal calling itself "the dark crusaders" to bring down

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-27628611670403303972007-08-25T13:09:00.000-05:002007-08-25T20:59:40.800-05:00

Gen. Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has suddenly and mysteriously lost his gonads. Prior reports had the General miraculously growing a heavy set of stones for use in challenging the President's surge in Iraq. Then, poof! No balls. All those with knowledge of the General's disappeared balls should call the Conspiracy Theory Central special hotline for this crisis: 1-800-

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-83300000744439150732007-08-24T09:23:00.000-05:002007-08-25T13:44:55.626-05:00

It was revealed recently that Mother Teresa, beatified near saint of the Catholic Church, "for the last nearly half-century of her life she felt no presence of God whatsoever * * * neither in her heart or in the Eucharist." Said Mother Teresa in a letter to her confessor, "for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see, - Listen and do not hear - the tongue moves [

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-77846856433505716602007-08-22T15:10:00.000-05:002007-08-22T15:31:06.155-05:00

Grim news met the world's penises today, a full frontal assault. First, a Russian woman did Lorena Bobbit proud. She set fire to her x-husband's penis as he sat imbibing vodka while watching television. "It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch." Note to self: don't watch television naked and drunk in view of pissed off Russian

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-81663102419217494272007-08-21T09:05:00.001-05:002007-08-21T11:27:53.990-05:00

As fall approaches with winter looming on the horizon, tis the season for good relationships to go bad. First came news that Sen. Barack Obama was breaking off his torrid affair with Obama Girl. Despite ten kazillion downloands of the Obama Girl video on youtube, word just reached the Obama family through the online detective work of his six year old daughter. This is why a father does not let

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-55377578678403411242007-08-20T15:34:00.000-05:002007-08-20T20:50:29.161-05:00

"More than 200,000 pounds of codeine, morphine, oxycodone, hydrocodone and meperidine were purchased at retail stores during the most recent year [in the USA]. That total is enough to give more than 300 milligrams of painkillers to every person in the country. Oxycodone, the chemical used in OxyContin, is responsible for most of the increase. Oxycodone use jumped nearly six-fold between 1997 and

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-43458305490261618612007-08-19T10:25:00.000-05:002007-08-21T08:28:18.054-05:00

Having rescued her adopted son Barack Hussein Obama as a child from an Indonesian school for Muslim boys, Queen Oprah is hosting a "celebration" for Prince Barack at her estate in Montecito, California. Gentry and commoners with the good fortune to receive an invitation shall pay $2300 for the privilege of attendance. By royal decree, garden attire is required and no cameras shall be permitted.

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257422226691454139.post-44311514175536098692007-08-18T11:08:00.001-05:002007-08-26T14:22:15.669-05:00

Jonathan Lee Riches a/k/a "Secured Party" d/b/a "The White Suge Knight" has filed an action in the United States District Court for the Northern District of Indiana, case #3:07CV0375, against Barry Bonds, Bud Selig and "Hank Aaron's Bat" alleging, inter alia, that--(1) Barry Bonds and Bud Selig are in a secret conspiracy together to boost television ratings. Mr. Selig has been secretly giving

jjrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09951978285296375634noreply@blogger.com2